The Quarter Life Grown Up

I had this conversation with a good friend a few months ago, for some reason, I do not feel like a grown up.

*Now, lets just start off on the right foot with a first amendment disclaimer-I can only speak for my life and my situations. I DO realize how fortunate I am in this life, I'm just sharing a story.*

Back to me (second child syndrome, I don't like having the attention taken away!), I just have never felt capable of grown up decisions. Sure, I bought a house, got married, got into graduate school, and choose which life saving drugs to administer on a minute by minute basis, -but does that make me a grown up? Sometimes, while driving in my car, I get strange pangs of anxiety like I should have asked permission before running to Target for toilet paper. (What would my mom think?)

Recently, I hit the quarter life mark. 25 is such a nice number, but I haven't quite figured out how it fits into my life yet. Quarter life seems so grown up, but still riddled with teen angst (exactly my situation). And worse, if you asked me my age, I'd reply 23 without hesitating. Not because I want to shun the quarter, but rather because I honestly feel mentally blocked at 23**. Or did.

Now that I have lived on my own for the very first time in my whole life, I reluctantly entered adulthood as reluctantly I cross the state line to Florida (sunshine state my ass*). While I moved to Albuquerque when I was 18, I was never "technically" alone. I always had someone and somewhere to fall back on. Even for the few months I lived in a ghetto apartment by myself (a stupid, rash act of defiance and proving I was an "adult"-ha!) but I could almost always be found at a friend's dorm room instead. I'm still figuring out what this adult stuff means. I just hope becoming an adult doesn't mean I have to start wearing high waisted jeans and quit cursing. Because then, I just don't think it'd be worth it.

*Dear State of Florida, I'm sure you are a very nice state. It sure is green here. However, I just wish we met under better circumstanes. That, and I've noticed it sure does rain every day I want to go to the beach. Have you been to Arizona? It NEVER rains there, the sun is ALWAYS shining in the Grand Canyon state. And that Land of Enchantment? Enchanting...also, boasts quite a few days of sunshine...hmmm....
**Not really sure what happened to 24. It might have been like how my maturity level when from an 18 year old to a 30 year old? Was I ever 21? Nope, just 18 :(